( Kaveh winces a little with hesitation, but softens his posture once Alhaitham finishes speaking - physically showing that his reluctance to tell the truth has disappeared following the other man's reassurance. The fear of Alhaitham leaving is still a thorn in his side, but he will try and listen to the rationality breaking through. It's not as if the Scribe would give anything less. )

... I do. ( And, honestly - being told that he isn't capable of scaring Alhaitham off reassures him more than he realises. There's even a small blush glowing on his cheeks. ) And about me thinking up the worst possible outcome, you're probably right. No - not probably right, definitely right ... ( Sigh. ) It's like my brain just sabotages me into thinking I deserve to suffer. That I deserve pain. That of course I don't deserve to have the one person I care about more than everyone else here. How suffering and loneliness destined for me.

( Saying all of this out loud feels so gross. But, Alhaitham is the only person Kaveh can trust with these vulnerable trauma-centric feelings of his. )

But it's not a good way to live. Not for you, for me ... or for anyone. I have ways to go, but I don't want to believe that loneliness and pain are all I deserve in life. I want to challenge these thoughts ... I'm so tired of them. ( He closes his eyes. ) I've lived with them for so long.